Monday, January 5, 2009

Looking Back So I Can Look Forward

I think the greatest therapy in the world for me is to look back at all that's happened to me in 2008 so that I can see God's hand at work in it all. Because if I thought for a moment that all the struggles and pain that I went through were in vain, I don't think I'd want to live another day.

Life is hard. That is the plain, honest truth. But life without Jesus helping me would be more than hard--it would be unbearable! My life and my husband's life has been turned inside out since February 2008. We've been hammered by one crisis after another and only two have been resolved.

I've discovered something about myself in all of this: that it's the unresolved things in life that eat away at my soul--if I let them. Thank God, thank God, I don't have to bear the burden of these issues. I thank God that because of what Jesus did on the cross, I can set these issues down at His feet and know that He will work things out for my good and the good of my family. My belief in His ability to overcome any problem is the only thing that keeps me from having panic attacks. My anxiety returned during the height of these crises, but because I went to my knees and asked for His help and peace (often several times in a row), panic did not return. Hallelujah!!!

So I've discovered that even though my internal battle is over--being overwhelmed with negative, self-condemning and racing thoughts, there will often be an external battle waging, because life is stressful. If I don't have the spiritual fortitude to fight these external battles, then I'm just a step away from falling back into the pit of depression and panic. So I will keep holding up my shield of faith and my Sword of the Spirit, I will keep praying Scripture and believing God. I will keep my eyes on Jesus instead of my circumstances and trust in Him, and I will continue to sit at His feet and find His joy in me.

I think I can now say to 2009--"Bring it on! I'm still here, and my God is with me! He is mighty to save!"

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