"But to all who did receive Him, He gave them the right to be children of God, to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood, or of the will of the flesh, or of the will of man, but of God." John 1:12-13 (HCSB)
It was a surprise to me to learn that I did not come to Jesus on my own. That the stirring in my heart to go up in front of the church and proclaim Him as my Savior was God's prompting and not the prompting of an 8-year-old child who desperately wanted to have her sins washed away. Somehow, it makes my salvation experience all the more tender. But my walk with God was hit and miss. Other things seemed to take precedence. I didn't understand or take time to learn how to walk with God. In reality, I was afraid of God. I couldn't live up to His expectations as I perceived them. It wasn't until I reached 50 and was in the throes of panic disorder, that I realized I had a very real, powerful enemy, and I became desperate to be rid of him. I am so grateful to Jesus that when I cried out for His help, He answered me. From that point on, events were set in motion to stop my panic attacks and set my tortured mind free.
Fear is torment. It strips away everything and leaves you with nothing. Which is why it is so important to ask God for the filling of the Holy Spirit every day. I used to think this meant I'd lose control of myself. I was so terrified to ask to be filled because I didn't know what it really meant--I didn't know how I'd change. I was afraid because I didn't know God's Word. He tells us exactly what He is like in Galatians 5:22-23--"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." He is everything good! Now I pray desperately for the Holy Spirit's filling every morning and I thank God that He hears me. Without His Spirit strong in me I would not feel loved, protected, a child of God. His Holy Spirit is what sets me apart from who I was before I came to Him and surrendered everything to Him. He is my confidence, my strength, my peace. He is my eternal Knight in Shining Armor. He is my Savior and Lord. He is my Life. Deuteronomy 30:20 "Love the LORD your God, obey Him, and remain faithful to Him. For He is your life." God's Truth sets you free.