I was just thinking today how my view of the Bible has changed since doing Beth Moore’s Bible study, Believing God, in 2004. I used to not read the Bible for many different reasons, but the most important reason was because it hurt to read it. I would see how much I didn’t measure up, and I would feel condemned and guilty. I knew in my heart I didn’t have a close relationship with God, didn’t know how to have a close relationship with Him, and that my heart was not right because I didn’t feel all the things that people who loved God felt in the Bible.
As Beth Moore has said, people tend to act out their belief system—what they truly believe—despite what they “say” they believe. I used to “say” I was a Christian and believed in God, but my daily actions showed something different. I found that no matter how loud I proclaimed, “I am a Christian,” my actions spoke much louder. I didn’t read my Bible, I didn’t pray, I didn’t do Bible studies, I had stopped going to church, I didn’t have a close relationship with Jesus. I couldn’t see the relevance of His Word to my life because I didn’t know how to apply it to my life. The little I had known at one time had been eaten away by anxiety, doubts, and fears due to unfortunate circumstances. It is fair to say that I had dropped my shield of faith. Without it, depression and panic set in.
Doing Believing God was a life-changing revelation to me. I saw just how little belief I had and how little I knew about Jesus, Who was my personal Savior and Lord. Personal? I didn’t even call Him “my” Lord any more. He was just hanging out there somewhere—vague and unfamiliar. I rarely thought about Him or God. Over time, I had taken Jesus off the throne of my life. (I’m shaking my head right now because that is such a scary thought. True, but scary.)
After I found out what the Bible had to say about God, restoration, unconditional love, forgiveness, and salvation, I wanted to get to know my personal Savior and learn how to make Him Lord of my life. I found out that having become convinced of God’s love for me, the Bible became a source of blessing to me. It taught me, God spoke to my heart through Scripture, and something beautiful began to grow inside me—my starved spirit was being fed. My soul was being restored. My self-esteem was growing. I had peace, even when all around me was chaos. Instead of feeling condemned, I felt elated that there were so many Scriptures to turn into prayers to God for help.
It just struck me how different my attitude is now from what it was before. I love Beth Moore’s recent statement in the Revelation study, “We live in a world turned upside down, and it is Scripture that turns it right side up.” It certainly does for me.