I woke up Sunday morning early. I was having my quiet time with the Lord when verses from Psalm 37 suddenly came to mind: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret..."
I thought about what those verses meant to me at that particular moment. I realized how much I really wanted to delight myself in the Lord, and I pondered what the desires of my heart were. I realized what I desired most was to always be close to the Lord, to hear His voice, and for my family and friends and all the saints to know Him and desire Him, too. I don't want any of my loved ones to miss the wonder of God and His Word, the leading of the Holy Spirit and His filling, and the joy of the companionship of the Lord moment-by-moment. There is nothing else I could desire that would bring me more joy.
As I began getting ready for Sunday School, I prayed that God would make this day special and that I would remain calm and at peace, focused on Him, even though I'd be around people all day. I'm not sure why, but strength seems to be sapped from me when I have to socialize for hours. I am definitely not a sanguine personality. After Sunday School and church, we were going to my brother-in-law's to meet up with the rest of the family for dinner and our annual Easter Egg Hunt. My youngest son drove his wife and my granddaughter to his aunt's and uncle's so they'd be there before us (they live out of town). So I asked the Lord to help keep me focused on His love for me and my family and my love for them, too. Then I walked outside with a cup of coffee and stood on the patio watching the sunrise. As I was standing there, next to our flowering Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow bush, a male ruby-throated hummingbird suddenly flew up. He was only a foot away from me. He hovered and stared at me for a few moments while I stared at him. Then he flew off.
I was thrilled! My first hummingbird of the Spring season! I thought I'd missed them because I didn't get my hummingbird feeders filled in February like I normally do. Our weather had been too bad. I smiled and thanked God for sending that little hummer to me. He knows how much I love hummingbirds, and this little guy came out of nowhere--and hovered so close. I quickly washed out my feeders, filled them with nectar, and hung them up just in case there were more hummers around.
We had a wonderful Easter service at church and a wonderful time with my husband's side of the family. It was our first Easter with our granddaughter, who's now 5 1/2 months old. We squeezed in the egg hunt before a rainstorm blew us all inside. My husband and I even got to have some one-on-one time with our son, daughter-in-love, and granddaughter. They followed us home and stayed about an hour before having to leave. We hadn't seen them in three weeks.
Much later that night, I had an anxiety attack. I began trembling and couldn't stop for about ten minutes. I was disappointed and couldn't understand why it happened. Then I remembered what Archibald Hart, a Christian psychologist, had said about even happy times being stressful to an overtaxed nervous system. I guess my nervous system is still in recovery mode. That's okay, though. I think the good news is that it wasn't near as bad as it's been in the past. I know that whatever I go through, if I go through it with Jesus, it won't be in vain. His grace is sufficient for me.
Haven't had an attack since then. I am grateful He made this Easter memorable with the hummingbird and family. God is good. God is loving. And God is near me all the time. He will make my righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of my cause like the noonday sun. I will be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. And I will not fret about the anxiety attack. I have committed my way unto the Lord. :)