Thursday, June 4, 2015

Trying to Make This My Ambition

Found this post and it expresses better than I can what God's been teaching me.

By Holly Gerth

The words sit on a table in the office my husband and I share now that we both work at home. And no matter how many times I read them, they feel like a mystery to me:
“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you.” {1 Thessalonians 4:11}
I keep waiting to walk in one day and find an angelic sticky note that says, “Sorry, that sentence was a bit of a typo. What God really meant was . . .
Make it your ambition to change the world.
Make it your ambition to help everyone.
Make it your ambition to be perfect.

But every day when I come in those words are the same. And over time I’m slowly realizing maybe I’m the one who needs to change.

As someone who has found much of her worth in busyness, I’ve not appreciated the value of quiet. But God keeps drawing me deeper into a season with more silence and stillness.
I can relate to what Joanna Weaver shares in Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World:
“While there are many things that need to be done, things I’m capable of doing and want to do, I am not always the one to do them . . . What’s more, I may be stealing someone else’s blessing when I assume I must do it all.

How I wish I would have learned earlier in ministry to wait upon the Lord. Much of my energy and joy has been swallowed up by jobs and obligations that were not my own. I still tend to rush in, presuming to know His will rather than waiting to hear what He desires.

It is a costly mistake, for often, when the Holy Spirit does ask something of me, I’m either knee deep in another project or too exhausted from my latest exercise in futility to do what God wants of me.”
It’s in the quiet I can hear God whisper, “This is good, but not My best for you.”
It’s in the quiet my soul is restored.
It’s in the quiet I learn life is more about being than doing.
I need quiet and yet it never happens on its own. Life is loud. Maybe that’s why the Apostle Paul tells us to make it our ambition. We have to chase after it for there to be any possibility of it being part of our days.
Lately I’m finding quiet in little ways, like writing out one Psalm in a journal each morning, going on walks, stepping away from social media and doing creative work that will never be seen by the world. It feels hard and awkward. I have to fight thoughts like “You’re being so unproductive” the entire time.
But when I’m done, I serve better. I live better. I love better.
I’m slowly understanding why it’s time for a different, scandalous kind of ambition.

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