Monday, February 20, 2012
Prayer Requests
I thought I'd open up the blog for prayer requests. If you have a prayer request, please leave it in the comment section. You don't have to give specifics--like naming names or the details of what's going on with your life. Share only what is comfortable for you. You can even leave "unspoken" in the comment...God knows what you're referring to. I'm asking everyone who follows this blog to pray for these requests as well. God's Word tells us the prayers of the righteous are effective, and we are righteous in the eyes of God if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord. Paul tells us in the 4th chapter of Romans that our faith is credited as righteousness. So our prayers for each other will go up as incense to our Father in heaven. (Rev. 5:8;8:3-4)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Reposting "My Testimony"
Originally posted October 22, 2008
When my panic attacks began, I read every book about overcoming panic I could find and put what I learned into practice, but nothing worked. My doctor immediately tried medication, but I ended up being medication-sensitive to the SSRIs prescribed to me. SSRIs help prevent panic attacks and, coincidentally, also treat depression. At the same time I took medication, I went to counseling. I faced the abuse I suffered in the past, the lack of peace in the present, and was told I needed to change my negative thought patterns and change my self-image. In other words, I needed to reinvent myself. No one told me how to do that.
I read self-help books and bought positive self-talk tapes and tried to believe in the statements I was to repeat every day, but the critical side of me would not be silenced. I didn’t have any faith in what those statements said. I wasn’t confident. People didn’t seek me out because I exuded strength. I didn’t believe I was going to have a great day. I didn’t believe I had control of my life. If I couldn’t control my panic attacks, how in the heck was I supposed to believe that I had the power to change my life. The panic attacks just seemed to reinforce that I’d lost all control. I never knew when they were coming, how long they’d last, or if they’d ever stop.
Over time my attacks became stronger, and I began sensing evil along with the fear. I thought I was losing my mind, and I wondered if my husband and doctors knew I was going crazy but were afraid to tell me.
In the spring of 2004, I cried out to Jesus for help, knowing that He would do something. A week later, a friend called me and invited me to Beth Moore’s Believing God Bible study. I hadn’t spoken to this friend in over 2 years. I knew this was God answering my prayer. I was afraid to leave my house, but I said I would go. Later, while watching TV, I fell asleep on the couch. By the time I woke up, the Bible study had already started. I told myself it was too late, that I wouldn't go, but then something inside me compelled me to grab my xanax and my Bible and go anyway.
The video had already started when I slipped into the dark room and slid into the nearest chair by the door—in case I needed a quick exit because of panic. Someone gave me a book and I heard Beth Moore on the video saying that God wanted me to live life abundantly. That I didn’t have to just survive—that I could thrive. Every word she spoke seemed to be aimed at me, and I felt something in me leap in response. I was hearing Truth for the first time in a long time. I poured myself into that Bible study, and I began experiencing real peace. That Bible study helped me understand so much. My faith grew and I went back to church for the first time in 2 years. The next Sunday I went back to Sunday School. The next Sunday, I taught the Sunday School lesson and was singing in the choir!
After Believing God, I bought Beth’s Breaking Free study and began putting into practice her advice about praying God’s Word over my challenges. I compiled a list of Bible verses that dealt with overcoming fear—verses I’ve posted in this blog—and I began reading them every morning and evening. About 4 months later, a panic attack came, and I had had so many days of peace with God, that it felt like an intrusion—something that threatened to separate me from God. I felt a "NO!" in my spirit, and I grabbed my verses and prayed them out loud to God through my anxious tears. By the time I got to the last verse, the panic was gone. I hadn’t even had to take a xanax. I could scarcely believe it! After that, any time a panic attack threatened, I grabbed my verses and prayed and the panic attack would leave. Over time, they stopped coming at all. Praise God!
I still read over those verses when I'm anxious or upset and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for His faithfulness and love. I faciliate Bible studies because God's Word is life and breath to me. I truly do not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.
When my panic attacks began, I read every book about overcoming panic I could find and put what I learned into practice, but nothing worked. My doctor immediately tried medication, but I ended up being medication-sensitive to the SSRIs prescribed to me. SSRIs help prevent panic attacks and, coincidentally, also treat depression. At the same time I took medication, I went to counseling. I faced the abuse I suffered in the past, the lack of peace in the present, and was told I needed to change my negative thought patterns and change my self-image. In other words, I needed to reinvent myself. No one told me how to do that.
I read self-help books and bought positive self-talk tapes and tried to believe in the statements I was to repeat every day, but the critical side of me would not be silenced. I didn’t have any faith in what those statements said. I wasn’t confident. People didn’t seek me out because I exuded strength. I didn’t believe I was going to have a great day. I didn’t believe I had control of my life. If I couldn’t control my panic attacks, how in the heck was I supposed to believe that I had the power to change my life. The panic attacks just seemed to reinforce that I’d lost all control. I never knew when they were coming, how long they’d last, or if they’d ever stop.
Over time my attacks became stronger, and I began sensing evil along with the fear. I thought I was losing my mind, and I wondered if my husband and doctors knew I was going crazy but were afraid to tell me.
In the spring of 2004, I cried out to Jesus for help, knowing that He would do something. A week later, a friend called me and invited me to Beth Moore’s Believing God Bible study. I hadn’t spoken to this friend in over 2 years. I knew this was God answering my prayer. I was afraid to leave my house, but I said I would go. Later, while watching TV, I fell asleep on the couch. By the time I woke up, the Bible study had already started. I told myself it was too late, that I wouldn't go, but then something inside me compelled me to grab my xanax and my Bible and go anyway.
The video had already started when I slipped into the dark room and slid into the nearest chair by the door—in case I needed a quick exit because of panic. Someone gave me a book and I heard Beth Moore on the video saying that God wanted me to live life abundantly. That I didn’t have to just survive—that I could thrive. Every word she spoke seemed to be aimed at me, and I felt something in me leap in response. I was hearing Truth for the first time in a long time. I poured myself into that Bible study, and I began experiencing real peace. That Bible study helped me understand so much. My faith grew and I went back to church for the first time in 2 years. The next Sunday I went back to Sunday School. The next Sunday, I taught the Sunday School lesson and was singing in the choir!
After Believing God, I bought Beth’s Breaking Free study and began putting into practice her advice about praying God’s Word over my challenges. I compiled a list of Bible verses that dealt with overcoming fear—verses I’ve posted in this blog—and I began reading them every morning and evening. About 4 months later, a panic attack came, and I had had so many days of peace with God, that it felt like an intrusion—something that threatened to separate me from God. I felt a "NO!" in my spirit, and I grabbed my verses and prayed them out loud to God through my anxious tears. By the time I got to the last verse, the panic was gone. I hadn’t even had to take a xanax. I could scarcely believe it! After that, any time a panic attack threatened, I grabbed my verses and prayed and the panic attack would leave. Over time, they stopped coming at all. Praise God!
I still read over those verses when I'm anxious or upset and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for His faithfulness and love. I faciliate Bible studies because God's Word is life and breath to me. I truly do not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
To Clear Up a Few Things
Edited: 2/18/12; 10:14 am Took me a few tries but I finally got this post to say what I wanted it to say. :)
I thought I'd try to clear up a few things regarding my experience with panic disorder, anxiety, and depression. I've just reminded myself that it's been almost five years since I first started blogging and some of you have not read (or probably have no desire to read) all the way back to 2007.
First of all, I am no authority on how to cope with depression, panic disorder, or anxiety. The reason for my blog is to glorify God by telling how Jesus helped me through the worst and darkest period of my life, how He is still helping me today, and to invite you to cry out to Jesus for help and to draw closer to Him through His Word and through prayer. I want you to know that you can experience His intervention in your life as well. You can know Him as Savior in the very core of your being which will shine light into your soul and bring freedom to your spirit.
Second, I wanted to make it clear that I am not against taking medication for depression, panic disorder, or anxiety. I still take .25 mg of alprazolam when needed. If I'm in a crisis or just coming out of one, or if my thyroid starts acting up as it has recently, then I may need to take it once a day or more often for awhile until things settle down. After the dust has settled, I usually do not need to take it at all.
I believe God's grace allows for medication. Medicine is used in the Bible to heal. Isaiah used a poultice to heal Hezekiah (at the Lord's instruction), and Luke the physician traveled with Paul the apostle. And there are other examples.
Third, I happened to be medication-sensitive and could not take the SSRI's usually prescribed for depression and panic attacks, so my doctor tried sedatives. The only one I could tolerate was alprazolam. It did not stop my panic attacks, but it did enable me to sit down and focus on Bible studies, and it slowed my racing thoughts so that I could put a grocery list together without crying. My mind was a complete mess back in those days.
These days I get frustrated whenever I do experience intense anxiety. It is like a "thorn of the flesh" that keeps popping up. I will think I have finally surrendered my entire will to God, and then a long-term crisis will bring out the anxiety again. I feel like I failed the test. But just this morning, I found encouragement. I was reading David's psalm which he wrote when he fled from Absalom. (Psalm 3) And I thought, here is David--a man after God's own heart, the one who defeated the giant Goliath, the one who won many victories for the Israelites, the one anointed with the Holy Spirit and anointed to be King of Israel, and he was fleeing for his life. Eventually, the Lord lifted him up and gave him the victory. Then I thought of Elijah who was also used mightily by God and then fled for his life because Jezebel threatened to kill him. And God spoke to him in a still small voice. (There are other examples of failures after successes in the Bible and then the Lord comes in and saves them when they cry out.)
I saw that none of us are perfect. None of us are going to pass faith tests one hundred percent of the time. And that maybe God allows those times to humble us so that we won't get prideful and forget Who supplies our power for living, or maybe it's to bring to the surface a root problem that we need to get out in the open and deal with it with Him, or maybe we will never figure out the "why". Whatever the reason, we can do what David did and cry out, "Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God!" (Psalm 3:7, NIV) in the midst of our tests.
I don't believe the weaknesses of my nervous system are something to be ashamed of. I tend to agree with what Paul said, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." (2 Corin. 12:9, NIV) And I don't believe taking medication when needed to help cope with anxiety, panic, or depression is something to be ashamed of. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Ro. 8:1, NIV) I do believe that I am more motivated to seek God with all my heart because of my weaknesses--and that is a good thing. And I believe that God is never more closer to us than when we need Him the most. But it's up to us to reach out and grab hold of Him and His Word, to believe God and walk by faith. When we do, we will ultimately experience the victory.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Ps. 34:18, NIV)
I thought I'd try to clear up a few things regarding my experience with panic disorder, anxiety, and depression. I've just reminded myself that it's been almost five years since I first started blogging and some of you have not read (or probably have no desire to read) all the way back to 2007.
First of all, I am no authority on how to cope with depression, panic disorder, or anxiety. The reason for my blog is to glorify God by telling how Jesus helped me through the worst and darkest period of my life, how He is still helping me today, and to invite you to cry out to Jesus for help and to draw closer to Him through His Word and through prayer. I want you to know that you can experience His intervention in your life as well. You can know Him as Savior in the very core of your being which will shine light into your soul and bring freedom to your spirit.
Second, I wanted to make it clear that I am not against taking medication for depression, panic disorder, or anxiety. I still take .25 mg of alprazolam when needed. If I'm in a crisis or just coming out of one, or if my thyroid starts acting up as it has recently, then I may need to take it once a day or more often for awhile until things settle down. After the dust has settled, I usually do not need to take it at all.
I believe God's grace allows for medication. Medicine is used in the Bible to heal. Isaiah used a poultice to heal Hezekiah (at the Lord's instruction), and Luke the physician traveled with Paul the apostle. And there are other examples.
Third, I happened to be medication-sensitive and could not take the SSRI's usually prescribed for depression and panic attacks, so my doctor tried sedatives. The only one I could tolerate was alprazolam. It did not stop my panic attacks, but it did enable me to sit down and focus on Bible studies, and it slowed my racing thoughts so that I could put a grocery list together without crying. My mind was a complete mess back in those days.
These days I get frustrated whenever I do experience intense anxiety. It is like a "thorn of the flesh" that keeps popping up. I will think I have finally surrendered my entire will to God, and then a long-term crisis will bring out the anxiety again. I feel like I failed the test. But just this morning, I found encouragement. I was reading David's psalm which he wrote when he fled from Absalom. (Psalm 3) And I thought, here is David--a man after God's own heart, the one who defeated the giant Goliath, the one who won many victories for the Israelites, the one anointed with the Holy Spirit and anointed to be King of Israel, and he was fleeing for his life. Eventually, the Lord lifted him up and gave him the victory. Then I thought of Elijah who was also used mightily by God and then fled for his life because Jezebel threatened to kill him. And God spoke to him in a still small voice. (There are other examples of failures after successes in the Bible and then the Lord comes in and saves them when they cry out.)
I saw that none of us are perfect. None of us are going to pass faith tests one hundred percent of the time. And that maybe God allows those times to humble us so that we won't get prideful and forget Who supplies our power for living, or maybe it's to bring to the surface a root problem that we need to get out in the open and deal with it with Him, or maybe we will never figure out the "why". Whatever the reason, we can do what David did and cry out, "Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God!" (Psalm 3:7, NIV) in the midst of our tests.
I don't believe the weaknesses of my nervous system are something to be ashamed of. I tend to agree with what Paul said, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." (2 Corin. 12:9, NIV) And I don't believe taking medication when needed to help cope with anxiety, panic, or depression is something to be ashamed of. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Ro. 8:1, NIV) I do believe that I am more motivated to seek God with all my heart because of my weaknesses--and that is a good thing. And I believe that God is never more closer to us than when we need Him the most. But it's up to us to reach out and grab hold of Him and His Word, to believe God and walk by faith. When we do, we will ultimately experience the victory.
"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Ps. 34:18, NIV)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
A Young Mockingbird
Just wanted to share a couple of pictures I took of a young mockingbird in my backyard Sunday. It was very cold, and he sure looked it! I praise God for sending me this little bird to enjoy! :)
Monday, February 13, 2012
Morning Reading, Charles Spurgeon
Morning and Evening
Charles H. Spurgeon
February 13, 2012
Morning Reading
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God.
—1 John 3:1-2
“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us.” Consider who we were, and what we feel ourselves to be even now when corruption is powerful in us, and you will wonder at our adoption. Yet we are called “the sons of God.” What a high relationship is that of a son, and what privileges it brings! What care and tenderness the son expects from his father, and what love the father feels towards the son! But all that, and more than that, we now have through Christ. As for the temporary drawback of suffering ...this we accept as an honour: “Therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew Him not.” We are content to be unknown with Him in His humiliation, for we are to be exalted with Him. “Beloved, now are we the sons of God.” That is easy to read, but it is not so easy to feel. How is it with your heart this morning? Are you in the lowest depths of sorrow? Does corruption rise within your spirit, and grace seem like a poor spark trampled under foot? Does your faith almost fail you? Fear not, it is neither your graces nor feelings on which you are to live: you must live simply by faith on Christ. With all these things against us, now—in the very depths of our sorrow, wherever we may be—now, as much in the valley as on the mountain, “Beloved, now are we the sons of God.” “Ah, but,” you say, “see how I am arrayed! my graces are not bright; my righteousness does not shine with apparent glory.” But read the next: “It doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him.” The Holy Spirit shall purify our minds, and divine power shall refine our bodies, then shall we see Him as He is.
Charles H. Spurgeon
February 13, 2012
Morning Reading
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God.
—1 John 3:1-2
“Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us.” Consider who we were, and what we feel ourselves to be even now when corruption is powerful in us, and you will wonder at our adoption. Yet we are called “the sons of God.” What a high relationship is that of a son, and what privileges it brings! What care and tenderness the son expects from his father, and what love the father feels towards the son! But all that, and more than that, we now have through Christ. As for the temporary drawback of suffering ...this we accept as an honour: “Therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew Him not.” We are content to be unknown with Him in His humiliation, for we are to be exalted with Him. “Beloved, now are we the sons of God.” That is easy to read, but it is not so easy to feel. How is it with your heart this morning? Are you in the lowest depths of sorrow? Does corruption rise within your spirit, and grace seem like a poor spark trampled under foot? Does your faith almost fail you? Fear not, it is neither your graces nor feelings on which you are to live: you must live simply by faith on Christ. With all these things against us, now—in the very depths of our sorrow, wherever we may be—now, as much in the valley as on the mountain, “Beloved, now are we the sons of God.” “Ah, but,” you say, “see how I am arrayed! my graces are not bright; my righteousness does not shine with apparent glory.” But read the next: “It doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when He shall appear, we shall be like Him.” The Holy Spirit shall purify our minds, and divine power shall refine our bodies, then shall we see Him as He is.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Praising God for Daddy's Recovery And My Own
Daddy has really been doing great this past week. My sister and I agreed that after Saturday night, he could stay by himself again. He is strong again thanks to God's faithfulness and the physical therapist that comes 3 times a week. My sister took over staying with him Friday night and Saturday night so my husband and I could rest. The changes in my thyroid levels keep me tired and more stressed than usual.
This morning I woke up after a fitful night's sleep, and the old vibrating in my veins began. It was not very strong, but strong enough for me to begin praying. I ignored the anxious feelings and concentrated on God's Word. And after praying and meditating on the verses that came to my mind as I sought help, the vibrating left! Praise you, Lord! Of course, the whole time I'm praying a part of me is thinking, "This isn't working. I still feel the anxiety," but I pushed those thoughts away and kept praying and leaning on God and His truth. God's Word is Truth. The verses I prayed this morning: "For God has said, 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?", "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled and do not be afraid." "In this world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." "We are more than overcomers in Christ Jesus."
God's Word is our Sword of the Spirit. It is powerful to the pulling down of strongholds (according to Paul in 1 Corin. 10). God pulled down the stronghold of fear for me this morning! Hallelujah! Our God saves!
This morning I woke up after a fitful night's sleep, and the old vibrating in my veins began. It was not very strong, but strong enough for me to begin praying. I ignored the anxious feelings and concentrated on God's Word. And after praying and meditating on the verses that came to my mind as I sought help, the vibrating left! Praise you, Lord! Of course, the whole time I'm praying a part of me is thinking, "This isn't working. I still feel the anxiety," but I pushed those thoughts away and kept praying and leaning on God and His truth. God's Word is Truth. The verses I prayed this morning: "For God has said, 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you. So we say with confidence, the Lord is my helper. I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?", "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled and do not be afraid." "In this world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." "We are more than overcomers in Christ Jesus."
God's Word is our Sword of the Spirit. It is powerful to the pulling down of strongholds (according to Paul in 1 Corin. 10). God pulled down the stronghold of fear for me this morning! Hallelujah! Our God saves!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Scripture That's Helping Me
As my sister and I continue to take turns staying with Daddy while he recuperates from a fractured rib, I have been focusing on these Scriptures to keep me mentally, physically and spiritually strong. My stamina wanes quickly by the end of the day, and I continually need a fresh supply for each new day. I go to my Lord, and He has been faithful to me. All are NIV translation.
1 Cor. 1:8 "Who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ps. 55:22 Cast all your cares on the LORD, and he will sustain you.
Ps. 119:116 Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.
Is. 46:4 Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
I really love Isaiah 46:4--especially the words "...I have made you and I will carry you...rescue you." To me that means that it's okay I have trouble with anxiety and stress because I have a God who made me and who will carry me through these difficult days. He knows me better than I know myself, and He loves me without making me feel ashamed that I don't have it all together. He continually gives of Himself to me so that I can give of myself to others. I don't always give of myself willingly or unselfishly. Sometimes I gripe and complain...then I repent of my griping and complaining.
I'm learning that everything I face has been filtered through the hand of God in order to help me grow up in Christ Jesus. I have a lot of growing up to do. This has helped me mentally accept all that happens. And the best part is, if God has ordained this difficult season for me, then as I lean on Him, I will get to see Him at work in my life. He will see me through. Because God is not evil. In Him, there is no darkness at all, Scripture tells us. And He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5-6)
Because I've had to lean on Him and not my own resources, I feel closer to God today than I have in weeks. He is my Sustainer, my Rescuer, and my Deliverer. He is trustworthy, and His Word can be depended upon at all times. If at any time I think that His Word is not working in me or in my circumstances, then the fault is with me. His Word is perfect, and it leads to liberty. (James 1:25)
1 Cor. 1:8 "Who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Ps. 55:22 Cast all your cares on the LORD, and he will sustain you.
Ps. 119:116 Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed.
Is. 46:4 Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
I really love Isaiah 46:4--especially the words "...I have made you and I will carry you...rescue you." To me that means that it's okay I have trouble with anxiety and stress because I have a God who made me and who will carry me through these difficult days. He knows me better than I know myself, and He loves me without making me feel ashamed that I don't have it all together. He continually gives of Himself to me so that I can give of myself to others. I don't always give of myself willingly or unselfishly. Sometimes I gripe and complain...then I repent of my griping and complaining.
I'm learning that everything I face has been filtered through the hand of God in order to help me grow up in Christ Jesus. I have a lot of growing up to do. This has helped me mentally accept all that happens. And the best part is, if God has ordained this difficult season for me, then as I lean on Him, I will get to see Him at work in my life. He will see me through. Because God is not evil. In Him, there is no darkness at all, Scripture tells us. And He has promised never to leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5-6)
Because I've had to lean on Him and not my own resources, I feel closer to God today than I have in weeks. He is my Sustainer, my Rescuer, and my Deliverer. He is trustworthy, and His Word can be depended upon at all times. If at any time I think that His Word is not working in me or in my circumstances, then the fault is with me. His Word is perfect, and it leads to liberty. (James 1:25)
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